You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
