I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
