i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
