there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
