I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize