I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i need some magic done to my vagina
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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