i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
