and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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