porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
