It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were trust falling into bushes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
