First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
