I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
