Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
