Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
