So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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