i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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