trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
