so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
