Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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