Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My breasts were aching with rage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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