Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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