I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
