I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
