just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
