you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
