What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
