There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
