when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
