when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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