:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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