I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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