If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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