HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize