I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize