I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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