if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
