At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
