you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
