she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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