my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His nipple licking is glorious
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