my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
