I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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