I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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