If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
