i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
