Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
