do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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