he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
