Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
