So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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