Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
