Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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