hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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