I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
