I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize