i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
