I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just cropdusted the office
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
