ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
