True but thats because hes a fetus.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize