I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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