Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
