bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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