just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize