Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.

Fav 8 3526 1112
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(936): View more from Texas

Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.

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(301): View more from Maryland

just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Sunday is the day of rest.

(857): View more from Massachusetts

As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit

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(817): View more from Texas

Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles

Fav 1 25 12
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(516): View more from New York

Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich

Fav 0 9 40
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