just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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