hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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