this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
