He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
