what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
