found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
