I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize