"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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