I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
