She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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