Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
