I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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