i think my mom watched the whole time
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
handjob tips. give me some.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
