it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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