Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
