Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your tits are I can't wait for
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
