question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
