I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
