my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
