Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize