so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
